When you are planning your wedding ceremony, there are many things that come to mind. You have to decide on the location, the vows, and the flowers. Something else to consider is who you would like to have officiate the service. One way to add a very personal touch to your wedding is to have the ceremony performed by a close friend.
Very often when a couple is married, the service is officiated by someone who barely knows them at all, whether it is a clergyman or a justice of the peace. The words that they say are often generic, and follow a formula; they do not relate to the specific people being wed. If you have someone that you know well do your wedding ceremony, they will be able to make it much more personal, and reflective of the bride and groom.
When you decide to have a religious ceremony, you generally have to use the officiant associated with that particular house of worship. Of course there may be some flexibility. This is most likely to happen if you have a friend or relative who is a minister of the same religious denomination. So if you are getting married in a Methodist church, and your best friend from Chicago happens to be a Methodist minister, maybe they would permit him to be involved in overseeing the service, perhaps in conjunction with the local pastor.
If you are not having a religious service, it will be easier to have a friend officiate. Each state has it own rules, so the first step is to check out the laws where you live and where you will be getting married, if they are different. To be able to legally preside over a marriage, your friend will have to get the required documentation. If you have ever seen those ads in the back of Rolling Stone about becoming a mail order minister, now you know their purpose!
Another option is to have a friend conduct the majority of the ceremony, and then have a justice of the peace step in to officiate the vows and pronounce the marriage to be legal "by the power vested in me", etc. This gets around the question of how your friend can get the legal power to make the marriage count in the eyes of the law, but you will still get to have your service presided over in a much more personal way.
Asking a friend to officiate your wedding is no small thing, so think carefully before you do it, because it would be a very hard invitation to take back. It is not the sort of thing to be done impulsively. The right sort of friend will be someone who knows the bride and groom well, is comfortable with speaking in front of a crowd, and will be able to rise to the importance of the occasion. Beware of any friends who may have a questionable sense of humor or are likely to tell inappropriate anecdotes during the ceremony!
You may be wondering how your friend should dress to conduct the wedding, if he is not a member of the clergy with a specific garment to wear. For a male friend, a suit would be entirely appropriate. He should take the lead from the groom when it comes to the formality of his attire. Since presumably, your friend will be a guest at the reception, he should wear a tuxedo if it is a black tie reception. For a very informal wedding, a blazer with trousers and a tie would do nicely.
A female officiant should wear something along the lines of what the other female wedding guests would wear. She might want to opt for something a little more on the serious side, though, because a hot pink cocktail dress might look out of place up at the altar (and you do not ever want to draw attention away from the bride!). A dress in a dark color accented by tasteful wedding jewelry would be a good choice. If it is an afternoon wedding, the officiant can wear a day dress with more simple jewelry; for an evening affair, she could select a long dress with slightly fancier wedding jewelry.
Having a friend conduct your wedding ceremony is a wonderful way to make it personal and memorable. Just be sure that you sit down with your friend to go over details and get on the same page before the wedding. This way, you know that your friend's contribution to your wedding will help to make your big day even more special.
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